Now this brings us to this morning. I mention to YKL that I want to see him at dialysis because I'm a little worried about him.

I phone up the renal unit and they tell me that they are a bit worried about him because when they went to fetch him this morning, at first he was completely unresponsive. When they went back for him about 5mins later, he was up in his bed eating brekkie. So, they wheeled him over to the unit for dialysis. As dialysis went on, he got more and more sleepy. To the extent that he was actually asleep now and fairly unresponsive. The fistula had stopped working and they had to put a line in. YKL commented that I actually looked really worried

At 12.45, YKL and I get there. He looks terrible. He looks like he's sleeping but like when I saw him at 19.00 on Weds, he is really drowsy and cannae really respond to what we are saying. The Dr asks us to sit in the office. There, he tells us what I already heard on Weds night from Dr Debbie. He is very weak, and given that, it is highly unlikely that he will pull through this one. However, he commented that it wasn't a day by day basis anymore, it's a morning-night basis.

YKL and I decide that we have to phone various sisters to get them home.

We go back in and the nurse said that they say that they (patients whom are unconscious) can hear what we are saying - Even if they are unresponsive. So I tell him that I'm there with YKL, and then I did the usual "don't be afraid, if you're gonna go - go peacefully and with full knowledge that we have all grown up to be decent citizens" I also told him that we would look after Mum after he had gone so he didn't need to worry about that too. Then, inexplicably, a tear started to roll down his cheek.

When we were about to walk out, we told him that we were just walking out, and he actually lifted his head, looked at us and wave goodbye to us.

Mum then phoned me to say that we needed to all go to the Bank of China because some letter had arrived concerning transferring all the money from HK to here. I didn't want to leave Dad, but Mum was adamant that we all went together for some strange reason.

Now, the Bank manager was just bureaucratic and useless. He kept saying that Dad needed to sign the letter. We asked him what could be done if he couldn't sign the letter, and he just said that we really need to get Dad to sign the letter. Aaaanyway, as we drove to the hospital. At 14.55, my heart suddenly went all heavy. I couldn't look to see how Mum or YKL was, but I felt in my heart that THAT was the precise moment that Dad passed away. I kept quiet because I didn't want to alarm anyone about it.

We get to the hospital at 15.05 and for some reason, I got out of the car and headed straight to him. I usually wait for Mum and go in with her, but I just went STRAIGHT to his room. When I got there, the first thing I noticed that that he was very still. Before, his breathing was very laboured and his mouth was open - So when he breathed, his head would nod. Immediately, I think "Do I press buzzer? He's right by the nurses station? Do I let Mum and that in here? They're only just behind me" I call a student nurse over and say that I don't think he's breathing. She goes in and gets a staff nurse, whom then gets a Dr in there. Mum needs the loo, so when Sven pulled away the curtain and said very softly "This gentleman has passed away" Immediately, YKL bursts into tears. Mum's in the loo and we need to tell her. Obviously, she bursts into tears too.

As for me, I cried (obviously) But I cried because YKL was. I send them to the day room and I told Mum that I would wipe his hands and place a five pound note in each hand. At this point, I started crying. Karan came in and there was just shock on her face. I told her that he died at 14.55 and she looked at me and then said "Yunno that's pretty accurate, I was asking Deborah to check his blood pressure and that was 14.45, 14.50 latest and he was fine then"

So, then it's the phonecalls to all the sisters to let them know and stuff. At home, we are told that when they move his body to the mortuary, we - the daughters - need to be there because we are the future and we need to be there when he starts his final journey. So, I arrange with Carol that we will get there for 21.00 so we can do our wailing.

Whilst waiting, I had a private moment with him. It was there that I told him that he will always be the BIG strong man I remembered as a child.

OK, that was odd. We all had to follow the casket shouting out his name "DAD" as loud as we could and crying as loud as we could. The idea is that the louder we cried and shouted, the better he could hear us. After he was moved to the mortuary, I went back to the ward to thank Lynn and Ken for all their kindness and efforts when he was there. Lynn and Ken were visibly moved and upset at it all. Some of the staff actually wanted to go to the funeral, so I told them we would give them details as soon as arrangements were made.

So now, I don't really know how I feel. I don't feel as devastated as I thought I would be, but mebbe that's because I've had so long to make peace with him, and well, I have had a long time to grow close to him in recent months. Death is the absence of presence - But he hasn't been home for nearly two months now. So, I now face the future with only one parent. I'm scared because I know there will be occasions where I will want to share them with him - and then realise that I cannae.

I have missed out a heck of a lot because so much has happened. We didn't well, couldn't tell Wendy that he had gone because we couldn't get through to her phone and when she arrived, she did her usual thing and just went straight to the front room. I had to call her out to the doorway and tell her. She immediately broke down. When Kiu arrived, I had to go out and give her a big hug. All the nurses gave me a hug just before I left (on a personal note, Van - Where was yours??!!) Mandy arriving at the house, Mandy reacting terribly when she saw his corpse... There is too much.

Well, Sandie is coming down tomorrow. So I will doubtless have a lot more to tell then. But for the moment, my father has passed away. He passed away peacefully and I shall miss him terribly and will always love him and remember him as the fun loving man of my childhood.