I didn't mention this earlier, but YKL, Q, Mum and I went to Dad's grave yesterday for Ching Ming. And for the first time since we first went to his grave after he was buried, I started to cry. Usually I don't cry - I just busy myself with burning the money and stuff and getting all the things together so that I don't cry. But yesterday, as we were clearing all the weeds and overgrown grass and stuff. It suddenly dawned on me that my father was actually buried there. And I couldn't stop crying after that. It's not like I don't know he's dead or don't realise that he's buried there. But it's like the VERY moment you realise that yes, he's head. And that yes, he's buried 6 ft under where you're standing, and RIGHT THEN, it hits home how much you miss him.

I think we're all just generally feeling a bit low. We (as in my sisters and I) are just fed up of a lot of things - be it professionally or personally - and situations like yesterday only highlight that more. On Friday night, just before she left work. Elkatron (whom I don't talk to that much since we've both started in our new jobs) stopped by my office especially to give me a hug and wish me luck for going to the cemetery. I think it's about then that I started to let my emotions go a bit. I'd been so busy at work that although I had told people that I needed the day off (only my 2nd in 47 days, I hasten to add) to go to the cemetery, I hadn't really considered WHY I was going. And when the Tron stopped by, I started to realise the situation a bit more.

So going back, how much do I miss him? It's fair to say that whilst it's generally gotten easier to cope day to day without him, it's not so much that time heals - It's more that time allows you to adapt to new situations. We've all had to learn to adapt to life without him, and generally we've done well. Of course, we have our low moments where we get weepy - But that's to be expected. So, I miss him just as much as I did the day he died. Every now and again, he just pops into my head and makes me smile. Think I just need to have a good cry and get it out of my system again.