Well, as Monday draws ever near and the family slowly comes together, the symbolism of what's happening dawns on you more and more. YML and Paul arrived today and the three of us all went to the funeral home to have a private view of Dad for YML and Paul. I mentioned earlier that I was actually quite pensive about going as I was worried about how he would look from RM etc. As it turned out, he looks fine. He actually has a good colour to him (better than when he was alive). And it's much better than my Uncle's where he was green when we viewed the body. Of course, the waterworks started but YML and Paul both commented how he looks really peaceful and like he's asleep. YMl told me afterwards that it was only the second time she has ever seen Paul cry.

YML was saying to Dad how she remembered what his last words to her were about me and how she would be testament to what he said about me. Of course, that made me cry. At first, I was a little resentful that he wasn't strong enough to tell me that himself. Then I realised that I was missing the point completely, at least this way, he died knowing that YML would tell me what he thought and that ultimately, I would know how he felt about me. I think that just made me realise how much I will and already miss him.

I think that seeing him there also brought home the fact that my father has died and that we are laying him to rest soon. I was conscious of how much I wanted to keep looking at him so that I won't ever forget what he looks like. I guess the deep down, I am terrified that I will one day forget what he was like or what he looked like. I miss things like his voice, it's the sound of him I miss more than anything because now, I realise that hearing his voice also brought a sense of security for me because it meant that he was there.

But hey, only a few more days left..