That was the year that was...

So then, it's now New Year's Eve. As I mentioned yesterday, it's a time for reflection on the past 12 months. A time for assessment as to whether it's been a good year or not. I'm inclined to say that it's been an OK year, nothing too great or too distressing.

The biggest point of the year was that I turned 30. I've been waiting to turn 30 ever since I was in my teens and now that I am 30, I do feel like I should act more maturely and behave a lot more responsibly. I've noticed that I don't take any shit from people anymore.. Along with the fact that I definitely feel my age when at work with ppl born in the 80s.

Vaguely connected to that was the fact that the first part of 2005 was spent grieving over Karen. In a way, her death (I just had trouble typing that word.. "disappearance" suggests she left of her own will, I tend to say that she "went away".) forced me to grow up. Before, Karen would always be the voice of reason and sanity for me in a world gone crazy. But now that she's gone away, I have to figure it all out myself. I still grieve for her now. In a case like hers where there is no physical body, you always hold out the teeniest tiniest bit of hope that she's still alive and out there somewhere - Even if she is "officially dead".

It was with this sense of tentative self hope and belief that we set off to the US to visit Hannah and YML. The idea was originally that I go to see them and spend time out there for my 30th. Then Sandie offered to come along if I took Mum with me as Mum isn't getting any younger and she hasn't seen YML or Hannah's house - Or met Hannah's husband, Rob. There was then a complete nightmare in trying to arrange a time that was suitable for all of us. It had to coincide with Sandie's holidays, with Liam's school holidays, my holiday and of course, YML's and Hannah's. We finally got the go ahead to book the holiday after Mum went for a few medical appointments and was told there was no reason why she shouldn't go away on holiday - All this only 2 weeks before we were due to fly out. (Something I want to add is that I've since decided that much as I love Sandie, it's a complete NIGHTMARE trying to organise an holiday with her. We've since tried to organise a trip to Toulouse but she kept changing the date so that she could fly nearer to her - Even though it meant a lot more cost for the rest of us.. )

The trip itself was fairly disastrous too. Obviously, Mum was ill from the start of the trip and it meant that she couldn't really appreciate her time in Seattle with Hannah. Although she got better in California, she didn't see very much of the place. And of course, the stay in hospital has knocked her confidence again. So much so that she's scared to go on trips abroad again.

Seeing Hannah and YML in their own environments was brilliant. Seeing Boy Boy was a complete joy. I am completely in love with that little nephew of mines - Even if he can be a complete monster! It was only when we got back to the UK that I realised just how much I miss that little boy.

The trip also made me think of other things like my future. I adored California, it was so much more laid back than other places that I've been to. For the first time ever on my travels, I actually entertained the thought of moving there permanently. YML of course is doing the "you should move out here" thing with me. She says how Boy Boy reminds her of me when I was that age and seeing the 2 of us together made her happy. Everyone commented on how responsive he was to me. Even after we left, he would apparently call my name and look at YML and Paul as if to say "where is she?" Still, I'm not getting broody.. I know that no child of mine would ever be so sweet natured.

In professional terms, I'm not getting anywhere in the cash office. I still love working for HMV but there is a sense of staleness now. I've come to the realisation that I won't ever work as an auditor - And nor do I want to. However, there seemed to be a small glimmer of hope when a vacancy opened up at Head Office in the HR Dept. However, it was too close to Crimbo so things have been put on hold until the New Year. So, 2006 will bring some hard choices for me professionally... Do I stay with the store? Even is Rabbi is the manager? Do I stay with HMV? Will I get the HR job? Can I commute? If I left HMV, what job could I get? So many questions, but the answers will come in the coming year. It is with a sense of trepidation that I look to 2006.

Nevertheless, farewell 2005, at least I can say that I survived it.