Feeling a bit lost

OK, the past couple of weeks have been a bit hectic - Firstly, I was diagnosed with a mild Swine Flu a few days before Hannah was due back in the UK. Fearing the worst and to give me an extra few days to recover fully, it meant that she couldn't stay in Birmingham over the weekend. Thus, we hastily arranged for her to go to Sandie's for the weekend, returning on the Sunday so I would get an extra couple of days to be better. It wasn't just incase I infected her - It was just as much she didn't bring anything with her after being on a plane from a foreign country for so long and infected me with my lower immune system levels. Obviously, it meant I was off work but I was only supposed to be working until the Thursday anyway (for Hannah's arrival on the Friday), so if anything, the illness ate into my holiday.

So for the past week, I've been able to spend time with Hannah again and it's reminded me of how much I miss her. I'll go into more detail about stuff in another blog post, but we had arranged for everyone to gather at Wendy's on Friday night as it would be the last night Hannah was in the UK. Everyone except Mandy and YML (who is still in the US) turned up so it was good for 6 daughters to be together with Mum. Of course, it also meant that when it came to saying goodbyes on Sat morning, it was that more poignant. YKL and I were both acutely aware of how emotional it was going to be and were both determined not to cry. However, I was teetering on the edge all morning and when it came to loading her suitcase into the car, Hannah could see that my lip was quivvering and just said "don't cry!" which only made me cry more. She gave everyone a hug goodbye but she and I had a longer hug as we both were in tears and well, because we are pretty close. I know that Wendy saw the expression on my face when I hugged Han and even now, as I type this over 24 hrs later, I am crying.

Years ago, Han once asked me if I would cry if she left and I can remember thinking "Why? are you going to leave?", I guess she found out the answer yesterday!

So anyway, I've been feeling a bit lost today because for the first time in a week, she's not been here when I've woken up, or I've not had something to do with her. I seem to have lost my baking and cooking mojo and I haven't known what to do with myself today. Fortunately, I don't go back to work until Tuesday, so it gives me an extra day to gather myself. Here's hoping that I can get back into work mode sooner rather than later..